Bad Case of Indigestion Saves Man From Bear Attack

Bristol, Wyo. – A man was saved from almost certain death after coming face-to-snout with a hungry grizzly bear that entered his home, on Monday.

Christopher K. Carson, said that he was on his way to the bathroom to get an antacid tablet to treat his indigestion when he heard noises coming from his kitchen. Knowing that he was alone in the residence, Carson assumed there was a burglar in the house. Carson said he quietly crept back into his bedroom where he retrieved an aluminum baseball bat that he kept beside his bed.

He then went into the kitchen and snapped on the light, only to see a 700-pound grizzly bear rifling his refrigerator. The man attempted to exit the kitchen without attracting his uninvited guest’s attention, but it was too late. As the man slowly backed out of the kitchen, he accidentally knocked over a waste can near the entrance.

The huge bear swung around to confront the man, while holding an open can of beer in one of its paws, and began walking toward him snarling and growling. Carson, armed only with a baseball bat, said he promptly became paralyzed with fear.

“When I turned on that light, all I could see was bear hide… It looked like my fridge was wearing a fur coat,” he said. “That’s when he turned and seen me. I really thought I was a goner.”

Then suddenly, the combination of fear and a sour stomach caused Carson to pass gas. Incredibly, to Carson’s astonishment, the bear stopped advancing toward him. The animal then turned and fled back through the kitchen and into the night.

Apparently, the malodorous aroma of flatulence emanating from the frightened man was offensive enough to the bear’s sensitive nose to cause the animal to flee the home. Wildlife experts told Fake News Direct that although bears do have extremely sensitive noses, they had never heard of a case where a would-be victim was saved by breaking wind.

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