ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said that there has been an alarming uptick in the number of head implosions that have occurred within the past year, according to a report issued on Thursday.
Although research is ongoing, preliminary studies indicate a link between these head implosions and Trump Derangement Syndrome. TDS is an illness that primarily affects liberals and others with extreme left-wing views. The onset of the illness is believed to be caused by the consumption of too many false and misleading media reports about President Donald Trump and his agenda.
According to Dr. Charlotte Tan, TDS with acute head implosion, while rare, is on the rise. Tan said that TDS will normally cause the head to explode, but it appears that a new strain has developed that “sucks all reason from the mind,” causing a loss of “positive noggin pressure.”
Dr. Tan also said that there is a direct correlation between liberals and the incidence of head implosions. According to latest statistics, 99.9 percent of the head implosions have been in people with left-leaning ideologies. The .1 percent involved a confused Libertarian.
CNN television host Jake Tapper was recently hospitalized after his head suddenly imploded during a recording session of his show. Tapper is now recovering from his injury.
So far, 134 reported implosions have been reported, including a suspected incident involving Sen. Chuck Schumer. Experts say that number is expected rise after the results of the mid-term elections.