PITS OF HELL — Satan announced that he will be running for a seat in the 2018 mid-term elections this week, according to multiple sources familiar with the matter.
The Prince of Darkness told Fake News Direct that he has made the decision to run as an independent on the ballot. Citing the discord that now plagues both the Democrat and Republican parties, Beelzebub said that he seeks to distance himself from all of the turmoil.
“Now is the time, said the ruler of hell. Since everyone is at each other’s throats, the time is perfect for me to take advantage of the situation and sow even more discord among everyone.”
The Evil One had originally planned to run under the banner of the Democrats, but later decided against it, pointing out that any political party that would nominate the likes of Hillary Clinton must be truly evil.
“Not even I, the Father of Lies, can top that woman with her levels of unadulterated duplicity,” said the Devil.
When asked what state he would seek the election from, Ole Scratch replied, “I am Satan and I travel to and fro seeking whom I may devour, however, I will be running for a seat from the state of Nevada,” he said, pointing out that his favorite hangout is the city of Las Vegas.
“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,”
Satan said he is confident that he will win a spot in the US Senate and is already preparing his campaign for the 2020 presidential election. The Lord of Flies said that right now he is considering who he will tap as his running mate in 2020 since “Lyin” Chuck Schumer will not be available.